One Moment at a Time
by
These days it seems that everyone is talking about the importance of mindfulness. As a therapist specializing in the treatment of eating disorders at A New Beginning, I, too, often find myself discussing with clients the utility of living mindfully. However, even the best yoga class or mindful eating experience can be just that – an experience, not necessarily a way of living. To truly be mindful, one must embrace a state of mind and lifestyle that is focused and calm. But in our age of multi-tasking, instant gratification, and high-speed technology at our fingertips, it’s so easy to slip into a mindless way of living. So how do we go from doing mindful things to truly beingmindful?
I was fortunate to stumble upon this important distinction about a month ago. I am a new mom; I have a 3-month old baby at home who is my pride and joy. Before she was born, I envisioned my maternity leave being filled with long stretches of nap times that would allow me to continue to be the productive, organized, efficient person I am often known for. And then she was born and all hell broke loose. For those of you who have experienced new motherhood, you know what I’m talking about. Sure, the baby may sleep for 16 hours a day, but it is broken up into small intervals that occur in between feedings, diaper changes, and occasional periods of quiet alertness. And don’t forget that any good nap takes place on you! While I had no complaints about snuggling with this adorable little creature that smelled delicious and fit perfectly in my arms, I quickly realized that my productive, organized, and efficient self was going to have to take a back seat for awhile.
At first, this realization frustrated me. I had things to do and they simply were not getting done. I felt the need to apologize to everyone for my delinquency, and so often they graciously reminded me that I had a newborn and to not worry. But I was worried. The emails were piling up, laundry was not getting folded, and voicemails continued to go unanswered. I found myself feeling overwhelmed at the end of each day as I reviewed my to-do list and realized that everything I thought I should get done was once again being pushed off to tomorrow.
After weeks of feeling frustrated and stressed, I decided that this approach was simply not working. Instead, it was robbing me of what little time I had left to just be home blissfully enjoying my beautiful little girl. So one day I decided I was no longer going to allow myself to stress over things that simply did not matter in the bigger picture of life. At the end of the day it really didn’t matter if the kitchen was clean or my email inbox was empty. What mattered was my child felt loved, nurtured, and safe. And to do this, I needed to be fully available to her, which meant lying with her when she wanted to nap on me, letting the phone ring while we played, and reading Goodnight Moon over and over.
Suddenly, the many mindful practices I had employed for years, like meditation and mindful eating, were not enough to sustain a balanced lifestyle as a new mom. Rather than just doing mindful tasks when I had time in between all of the items on my never ending to-do list, I realized that I had to step into a mindful way of living, of just being in the moment, any moment. I forced myself to quiet the coulda-woulda-shoulda voice and just be present with this beautiful baby who was growing right before my eyes; I was not about to miss these precious moments in exchange for some silly emails or clean countertops.
They say it takes 28 days to break a bad habit. I’m now on day 84 and still working to break my bad habit of living mindlessly as a fast-paced multi-tasker who thinks she can do it all…but I am making progress. I am learning to appreciate the beauty of the quiet moments when I just stop and notice what is happening right then. I am learning to be okay with unfinished tasks that could be taken care of right now but won’t be because my daughter needs me and that is more important. I am learning that whatever I choose to do in any given moment is what I should be doing, and nothing else. Being mindful has allowed me to savor very special, albeit simple, moments, while also freeing me from the endless mental chatter that so often overshadows my ability to hear the quiet beauty of now.
As you think about your own recovery, what mental chatter gets in the way of your mindful moments? It’s simply impossible to be present, focusing on you and your recovery, when your mind is racing down other paths. So, as you consider being mindful, identify what will keep you in the moment, this moment that you will never get back. Relish whatever experience you may be having, even if there are other things you could or should be doing. It’s time to live one moment at a time!
